For those of you who follow our blog, you know that my husband & I were MIA for a couple weeks with trips to Nashville and Las Vegas. Those two weeks were amazing and I gained so much insight, appreciation and fresh perspective for myself and my roles in family and business. I have a list of items/blog entries I want to write about from these moment. And even though my girlfriend thinks I’m nuts “put [my]self out there," I thought this would be a good start...
Although it is one of those things you know, your closest relationship is with your mate. And such is true for me, as my relationship with Tim. We’ve been married 12 years and counting and as you know the husband & wife relationship changes when you become father & mother. In writing this, I don’t mean to imply the change is negative – it is just different. And for us, it is exciting and fun to experience our adventures, vacations, life lessons and more as a group of five than solo. I will be the first one to admit that we don’t take the dates and time away as a couple (as all the “experts” advise); however, we make other “dates” and prioritize our couple time over family time occasionally. We don’t choose couple time over family time to be selfish, we chose it to flourish & strengthen our family time.
Since we don’t always make the true date (restaurant, movie, etc) out in the community, one thing we do is plan a date for a late dinner together at home. We do this with take-out dinners (yep, even our favorite Hibachi restaurant creates meals for us) or late dinner for us when the kids go to bed. I am a huge component of family meals, so we still sit/snack with the boys during their dinner to continue conversation, but save our dinner & dialogue for a little later in the night.
How do we have dinner or this quiet time? We’ve been lucky to have good sleepers, but we also encourage bedtimes around 8 pm +/- 30 minutes depending on the kiddos’ age. Your ‘in-home’ dates don’t have to be perfect or expensive… perhaps it’s sharing a TV show, playing cards, dinner, looking at photos or just the simple conversations without being interrupted.
Don’t let your business or outside stresses separate your relationship with your spouse. A great book is When Husband and Wife Become Mom and Dad by Elisa Morgan & Carol Kuykendall in which they share, “Hope comes in realizing that the chaos you’re experiencing in your marriage is perfectly normal.” And that is a reality. In a life with kids (I’d never change that), we are rarely going to FIND time with our partner/spouse – we have to MAKE it.
One thing I’ve enjoyed doing these last two years (and my parents are spoiling us) has been taking a solo (aka couple’s) trip with Tim for a couple of days. We have no immediate family around us to call for a weekend sleepover or a quick babysitting favor, so true dinner and movie dates are far & few between as we’ve already stated. My sister doesn’t know how good she has it w/ both sets of grandparents within a 1-3 mile radius. *wink-wink* Our parents have been kind to offer up their time while visiting us in TX to stay with the kids so we could take simple, 3-day trips ALONE. We’ve have been blessed to do this the last two summers as a couple… no parenting, discipline, cutting up meals, etc. In 2010, we went to San Francisco & Napa Valley. We spent time on the Pier, toured Alcatraz, and bicycled 16 miles around the wineries. This year we went to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon. Both trips were amazing! Yes, the sites were great; however, it was a time for us to reconnect, pretend we were newlyweds and reminisce our adventures – from courting in college to parenting. 
Both of us will tell you it has been the best thing we’ve done. The memories of the trips are vivid in my mind. If I close my eyes, I feel like I’m standing on the bottom of the Grand Canyon with the same overwhelming and child-like awe as I did that day. Even after the trips are over, we chat about our time together, joke about the community pool’s similarities to the Venetian Hotel in Vegas (not!) or figure out how to buy another case of wine from our favorite Napa Valley Winery. While I am enjoying these memories, I can’t help but let my mind wander for the ‘where’ of next summer. (Thanks Mom & Dad for the offer. This is the best gift ever!)You may be thinking 3-days are still too much – for expenses or trust of another. Again, you could do this with an overnight… maybe you go somewhere locally to stay overnight or maybe you schedule sleepovers for your kiddos and trade the favor with friends. No matter what your budget allows, I guess the lesson of today’s blog entry is to find time for your mate! I bet you are working hard at maintain your (girl) friendships; now just make sure to put the attention on your closest relationship with your mate or spouse.
You know me… your biggest cheerleader. Sending hugs - Danielle
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